“…only the truth…”

The last time I properly gave anyone a written update on my life was approximately a week before I got married.

The short story on that one is that Cindy essentially woke up one day and asked if I wanted to get married in the coming weeks. We did, obviously, and we surprised a lot of people. There are at least one or two funny stories there and one involves Harry and Kim (you do the math). And what has been keeping me from updating is the lack of words to put any of my thoughts into. I take for granted that the good majority of people who are reading this journal know most of the details. The only thing you would not know are my thoughts and feelings on the whole kit and caboodle (I honesty have never spelled out that saying, much less used it so pardon my lack of knowledge in caboodling).

I have to say that marrying Cindy has essentially changed nothing. We were, for all intents and purposes, married to begin with and now we can just say that we have a piece of paper so that no one can prove otherwise. But, I digress, something about being married just feels good. I feel good inside (maybe because I have made a honest woman of Cindy (just kidding)).

The name changing was an incredibly arduous process that I can only imagine was much more intense for Cindy. Alas, all of that is finished and now we are Mr. and Mrs. Nathaniel Kowal as the stream of envelopes let us know. It feels like a birthday, where you turn a year older and everyone somehow thinks that if they ask you if you feel any different that you are some how going to pop out a “YES” answer. I do not mean this as an insult in the slightest form but it is rather amusing. Let’s branch off here and talk about something much more morbid.

Just one week ago today my grandfather, one of my best friends, passed away. Turn up the shock value to 11 (and my ability to string the word “NO” together) and you have some idea of how I have been feeling about this. Despite the recent heart surgery this was the last person that you expected to go if you were living in my family.

So I have been doing everything but thinking about it in order to avoid actually realizing that a person who I used to see every weekend is somehow not there to answer my questions anymore. This goes so far as to thinking that I can ask him what he felt that day just by calling him up on the phone. Even as a write this he could be doing nothing more that sitting in his chair, at home, watching some television. It is as though he is always there but every time I have come to visit, he is out doing something.

I did not shave for the day of the service because he and I had a recent conversation about stubble being the style and that he liked it (just not for himself). As a result of everything that can pass through my head I feel that since last Friday I have been living a branched off fictional part of my life.

My current pieces of distraction include but are not limited to:
Snow Crash by Niel Stephenson
Smallville – Seasons 5 and 6
Battlefield: Bad Company
thinking about everything we did and said to each other

Those things pretty much work in that order.

So today is July 4th and I am and have been incredibly excited to BBQ for Cindy, Kara, and Whitney on my new little Weber grill (yes, you may kiss the chef).


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