Lately I feel like I – that is an inherent “I” – feel like I have come to a head. The thought is just disgusting. I feel like I’m out a flat plain walking around, blindfolded, hands in front, feeling for the top of wheat stalks or whatever it is that I’m looking for. It’s painfully scary because I’m just at a loss – for everything; for words, for happiness, for help.
Please don’t think I am pittying myself – I don’t want your pity – I am trying to find the path back to normalcy (whatever that was for me).
I haven’t felt the way that I do in a long time but I can tell you that I felt some stage of this since the beginning of this year (as I believe I’ve mentioned before). And now I’m drowning in it.
I’ve taken to being mean to those closest to me and as a result it only pains me further to know that I’ve caused someone harm because of my issues.
I’m waiting for the pilot’s safe signal to jump before this plane crashes into the ground.